Let Go
by Sarah Elisabeth
Summary: Remus has trouble letting Sirius go. Sequel to 'Distraction' but can be read on its own. RLSB, RLNT OneShot


Summary: Remus Lupin can't let go of Sirius. Sequel to 'Distraction,' but can be read separate. Please read and review. OneShot

Disclaimer: Characters belong to JK Rowling, story belongs to me me me.

**Let Go**

_By Sarah Elisabeth_

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There was nowhere Remus Lupin hated to be more than 12 Grimmauld Place. It held too many memories of people he loved and hated; memories of people he would never see again. It was Harry's house now, though, yet it still felt as though Sirius were there at times despite the fact that he too, hated this place more than anything else on earth. Yet, unlike Harry, Remus had nowhere else to go, and he had to stay here despite all the pain it caused him. Sirius was everywhere in this house. He'd never even truly been a part of it, but it still felt as though he were all over it.

He had loved Sirius at one point. He still did love him, but he had turned it back into the type of love one has for his friend. Throughout their days at Hogwarts, it became evident that his feelings for Sirius would never be returned, and he never told the other how he felt. It became easy to push thoughts of Sirius out of his mind when he had been imprisoned in Azkaban. Remus had believed everyone when they said that Sirius had killed Lily and James. And Peter. How could he not? He wasn't told any of their secrets because Sirius had suspected _him_ of being the traitor. He was paranoid back then, Sirius was, and the insanity he'd inherited from his Mother was starting to show. Of course he'd suspect the werewolf. Of course he'd never love someone like him, either.

Still, at 12 Grimmauld Place, Remus couldn't help but think of Sirius. Especially when he sat in his bedroom, as he found himself doing a lot of the time since he became involved with Nymphadora. It was the idea that he was with someone else that was bothering him. While Sirius had had many girlfriends before he'd been imprisoned, Remus had never found it in himself to get involved with anyone. Perhaps it was stupid, but he'd always held onto the hope that one day, Sirius might come to share his feelings. But no, Sirius is dead. Sirius Black is dead and Nymphadora Tonks is in love with him. Funny that he should be in a relationship with the man's cousin instead of with him.

Remus looked around the room. It was the same as Sirius left it before he went to the Department of Mysteries and never returned. The bed was unmade and covered in Padfoot's black fur; there were clothes all over the floor, and books on the bedside table. Sirius was a prisoner in this house for the final year of his life. Remus thought that he would gladly trap himself in this room with Sirius' memory, but then quickly pushed the thought out of his mind. Sirius was dead. He was alive. He should move on.

There was a small knock on the door. He turned around and saw Nymphadora smiling down at him. Her hair was pink again. He smiled at her.

"You're always in here, Remus. Why?"

"I miss him." He did. He missed him more with each day.

She furrowed her brow and turned towards the bookshelf. "We all do, but you sit up in here all the time. It's not healthy."

"I know. I just—" he couldn't finish his sentence. Just what? I just loved him so much? He couldn't say that to her.

"You were best friends," she said. "I know how hard it must be."

_No, you don't_. Remus didn't say anything.

"What you should really do is clean this room. Go through his books and get rid of all the bad memories."

He looked up at her. He didn't want to get rid of the memories. He hadn't even touched anything except the floor of this room since Sirius fell through the veil. "You're right. That will help me move on."

She smiled at him and started pulling books off the shelf. "I'll help. We might even learn a few things about him that we didn't know."

Remus laughed. He knew everything there was to know about Sirius. He knew Sirius better than he knew himself.

"Did you know Sirius kept a journal?" Nymphadora asked suddenly.

"Sirius had a journal? I didn't know. I used to have one at Hogwarts and he called me a woman. If I'd known I'd have made sure to repay the favor."

She laughed and began looking through the pages of an old book. "This seems to be from his Hogwarts days. I don't think there's any harm in looking through some of the entries. Let's see…'November first. Snape never knew what hit him. It was marvelous—'blah blah blah. The usual Snape bashing it seems. Hmm…" She moved towards the end of the book and continued reading. "'I almost told Remus today.'" Remus' head shot up at the mention of his name. "'I actually _did_ tell Remus, but then I obliviated him and tried to be more careful around him…' What's this all about?"

Obliviated? "I don't remember anything about that," he said, stupidly.

She sat down next to him and continued reading. He leaned over her shoulder and took a sharp breath as he silently read what was on the page.

…_Sometimes I think that I should just get it all over with, and tell him how mad he drives me. How he's got me completely and utterly mad for him. But he's Remus Lupin and I'm Sirius Black. I'm nothing important and he's...he's just amazing. But when I let it slip today, he just looked at me. He didn't say anything and then…he went back to writing his essay! I couldn't handle it. I didn't want to lose my best friend. I love him, but I won't lose him because of it…_

"Remus?" It was Nymphadora. She was looking at him, but he couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He couldn't move.

Sirius Black had loved him? Was it actually possible? Had he…had he really obliviated him? He started laughing as he remembered the time he, too, had obliviated Sirius. They had both done the same thing. They had both kept their secret hidden because they were afraid of losing the other. And now, the secret was out and the other was dead. Sirius Black was dead and Remus Lupin would never see him again. He would never get to tell him that he loved him too. He would never get to hold him, or kiss him or anything. He was crying now, sobbing uncontrollably in Nymphadora's arms. This was all too much.

"Remus," she began again. "Were you and Sirius together?"

"No," he said through tears. "I—I never told him I loved him. We—we never, n—never told each other. And now, now he's dead and, and I'm…I'm…"

He didn't know what he was. He wasn't alone. He had Nymphadora, and she loved him, and he was sure he could love her, too.

"I…I think I can finally start to let go, maybe," he finally said.

It would take some time, but as he said it he realized that he would be able to, and he sat with Nymphadora's arms wrapped around him for the rest of the night.

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_Well, people asked for it, but I didn't want it attached to "Distraction" so here it is on it's own. What did you think? I refused the whole happy ending thing others wanted, but I figured I'd be nice and let Remus know. Comment and let me know what you thought, please!_


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